To Whom It May Concern
by mm zayland
Summary: Iroh forces his nephew to start writing in a journal, to let out his "repressed anger", or so it begins. Slight AU-it IS eventually Zutara, after all! Pre-series/Post-series stuff.
1. Chapter 1

July 31-Day Of Black Sun

Uncle got me this journal-thing for my birthday (which is today, yay me…). It's stupid and pointless and I'm not going to do it! For now, Uncle is watching me like a starving messenger hawk. He expects me to let out my "most secret, inner thoughts" to "emotionally cleanse" myself. Why would I need to do that? He's just a crazy old man. I don't have secret emotions, I just have regular emotions JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE. So I get angry once in a while, so what? This girly diary isn't going to help. I hate this. I hate everything.

Go to hell (Oh wait, that would be here!),

Prince Zuko

* * *

**A/N: Short, I know! That's how Zuko rolls. It's my birthday today, so I'll update with a new (longer) chapter ASAP. **


	2. Chapter 2

February 12, YOTM

Journal-

So, I know this is girly, but I need someone to talk to and this is the best I've got right now. It's been a long time since I even picked this diary up.

My mom is away on Fire Lady business right now, and my Uncle Iroh went with her, so I'm left with my dad and Azula. I wanted to go with her, but I wasn't allowed to leave school and firebending class for that long. My dad doesn't talk to me much, anymore. I'm lonely.

Azula is such an annoying girl. She's evil. I have to hide away in my room all day or sneak around the palace just to avoid her, or else she'll pull some mean trick on me.

Today I was sitting against the big tree by the pond feeding turtleducks. Mai was sitting a few feet away writing a letter, and I didn't even talk to her. She's pretty boring, anyways. All of the sudden, Azula walks over and says that I was more girly than Mai was, feeding ducks like a little kid. She said that I was around mother too much, and shot a fireball at the mother turtleduck. Mai and I both went to protect the babies, but Azula shot another fireball but aimed it at our feet so I fell into the pond and Mai fell on top of me. I could hear Azula laughing like crazy and singing "Mai and Zuko, sitting in a pond..." like she was hilarious. I stood up and said "Eww, I would never kiss Mai." For some reason, that made Mai really angry and she pushed me over again and stomped off. She hasn't said anything to me since then, she just glares at me. I don't know what I did.

Zuko

* * *

February 29, YOTM

Diary-

I don't know why I bother writing in this. I guess it makes me feel a little bit better, though.

I have a girlfriend now, I guess. It's Mai. I don't remember exactly how it happened, but I know Ty Lee had something to do with it. It happened about two weeks ago or so. It was a big blur.

Now I'm supposed to sit next to her at dinner and walk her around the grounds and stuff like that. I tried to hold her hand like I've seen other couples do, but she says she doesn't like that kind of thing. She is nice though. I like her more than I thought I would. When you actually listen to her, you can tell she just sounds boring. When she talks, it's...good. I don't know how to describe it. I don't know how to describe her.

Zuko

* * *

A/N: So, I had this chapter written, but then I couldn't find it, so I had to rewrite it, but I forgot what I had written, so...this isn't the best. My apologies! D: Next chapter is written(long and goooood), though! I'll post it tonight.

Okay, time frame time! The show doesn't give us a solid time reference, so I've had to make one up (based on the elements, of course). It's kind of like the Zodiac calender, where it cycles through "The Year of the 'Blank'" every so many years. In this story, it'll be Year of the Bison (air), Moon (water), Badgermole (earth), and Dragon (fire). That way it'll be easier to keep track of Zuko's age and other things.


	3. Chapter 3

To Whom It May Concern Chapter 3

A/N: Just a heads up, Me+Trying to sound like a young boy=Major fail-o-rama. I'm trying, though, and I feel like Zuko matures exponentially once he leaves the Fire Nation, so you won't have to deal with my bad impersonation much longer.

Time passes in this chapter, Zuko writes more and more often, only some entries are shown, etc etc.

* * *

June 15, YOTM

Diary-

My family and I are staying at our house on Ember Island for a few weeks. It's a lot of fun, and I get to spend time with my mom without Azula always being there. The palace gets boring really fast, even with Mai there.

These two old ladies, Lo and Lee, are really creepy, and...

* * *

June 24, YOTM

Journal-

We're back in the Capital now, but that's okay because I'm tired of Azula and can hide.

Mai and me snuck out of the guard's watch last night while they weren't looking. We make a good team. We went all the way to the south district of the city where they were holding a big festival. They were setting off fireworks and there were tons of vendor stalls selling spicy Fire Nation foods and foods from places I've never even heard of. I had a few coins left from what Uncle gave me, so I bought Mai a pretty red fan that she really liked. She kissed me on the cheek for it, and we held hands for the rest of the night.

I heard almost everyone talking about someone called the Avatar. I've only heard a little bit about him in my school classes, but I was told he's been dead for a hundred years, so I'm not sure why everyone is suddenly talking about him.

Anyway, we didn't come home until it was dark, and my...

* * *

July 3, YOTM

Diary-

Ozai invited me to sit with him in a meeting with his generals next week. I'm scared, but he must be really proud of me to want me there with him. He usually tells me to stay away from that wing of the palace while he has meetings. I've been practicing my firebending really hard, so maybe he heard something from Master Dai and thought...

* * *

July 19, YOTM

Journal-

Today my father called me to his office to talk to me. He had heard that Mai was my girlfriend. He asked how long this had been going on, and I told him only a few months. He said that he "approved" of my choice, and told me that Mai was always supposed to marry me and become Fire Lady. He had worked out that deal with Governor Kiyo long ago. I told him I didn't want to marry Mai, but that made him angry. Then, he asked if I had "bedded" Mai yet. I know what that means and everything but I didn't understand why he wanted to know, and I really didn't want to talk about it with him. I told him no, and that I didn't even love her. That made him even more mad and he said that love was for fools, and if I hadn't done so with Mai by the time I was 15, I was not a man and a disgrace to him and the Fire Nation. He said he had had his first woman when he was 12. After I left, I asked Iroh about what he had said, and he explained everything. It was a really awkward conversation.

Do I really have to do that with Mai? She's really pretty and it's not like I don't want to (I am nearly 15, after all. That means I'm a man.), but...

* * *

July 31, YOTM

Dear Diary,

Today is my birthday again. I'm 15. I've been writing in you, diary, for a year now, and, I know it's girly, but I'm really glad Uncle gave you to me. I can tell you anything.

We leave in three days for Chameleon Bay. We're going to celebrate my birthday. We'll stay with Mai and her family and the Governor at one of their houses.

My dad says if I haven't slept with Mai before then, he'll force me to. He says he won't stand to have a disgrace for a son and my mom wants to keep me around. I don't know what to do. The more I think about it, the more I don't mind the idea-I _think _I love her. How can you tell about that sort of thing? Mai is beautiful and smart and nice and I do have...feelings...for her. We kiss all the time and I like it and she likes it, but...I don't know.

My mom says that that sort of thing is best kept for marriage, though. I want to listen to her, but I definitely don't want my dad mad at me. I'll have to do it, I guess.

Tomorrow.

The meeting with the generals is tomorrow, too. I'm nervous. I get more nervous just thinking about it. I have to make my dad proud. He's always so proud of Azula, but I don't think he's ever been proud of his son. Not once. He told me once when I made him angry that Azula was born lucky, and I was lucky to be born.

I know a lot about politics and strategies and that sort of thing, but still. These guys have fought dragons and _killed_ people... I'll never kill anyone. I couldn't do it. I wonder if...

* * *

August 1, YOTM

Dearest Diary,

Today's the day. For a few things.

I'm still really anxious about the meeting. I hope I make my father proud of me, for the first time in my life.

I'm even more nervous about tonight with Mai. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm excited, too. I hope she doesn't think badly of me. I love her.

Things are looking up for me.

Sincerely,

Zuko


	4. Chapter 4

November 3, YOTD

Diary-

Wow, it's been a while. The last time I wrote to you... I really don't even want to think about it. It's good to have an old friend back, though. You know some of my darkest secrets.

A friend of Iroh's found you in the palace trash after I was banished. It had my name on it, so he held on to it until he saw Iroh, which didn't happen until yesterday in a market near our campsite.

Things have changed. I'm traveling with Avatar, for one thing. Who knew such a small boy could upset so much in my life? My father's in prison and I'm the Fire Lord, and I've only been 17 for a few months. I spent the years after my banishment searching for the Avatar, whose name is Aang, vainly battling for my honor to restored in my father's critical eyes. It took me a lot of time to realize what I really needed, how wrong I was. Now, the anger and shame and _hatred_ is just...gone. I realized that I was good, not inherently evil just because my father was sick-and that's made all the difference. I helped defeat my own father so that the Avatar could bring peace to these somber, war-ridden nations.

I'm happier than I've ever been. That's really saying something, too, because my mother's still missing. That's why I'm out traipsing around in the woods of the Earth Kingdom with the gaang like old times, instead of helping back home as the Fire Lord. I have to find her.

The group I've been with for what seems like forever is...haggard, at best. Aang, whom I mentioned before, is the world's last airbender, and the current incarnation of the Avatar. I was his firebending teacher, but I think he taught me more than I taught him. He's a good kid.

Toph is Toph. Not much can be said about Toph besides that. She's a master earthbender, and stubborn as a rock (pun fully intended). Her parents are rich nobles in Ba Sing Se, but she doesn't belong in the Upper Ring. I can sympathize.

The two Water Tribe siblings are Katara and Sokka. Sokka's a half-idiot, half-genius, and a damn good swordsman. He's a born leader.

Lastly, there's Katara. I have no idea how to describe Katara. She's infuriating and irresistable, stubborn and sweet, annoying yet intoxicating. I hate her, I might love her.

Speak of the demon, she's yelling that she's going to beat me if I don't come to supper now, Fire Lord or not. Not that I'd mind.

Goodbye for now,

Your old friend, Zuko


	5. Chapter 5

Diary-

Things are interesting here. I haven't _really_ written in about a week, because Toph and Sokka keep trying to steal you. They think I'm "writing in a wittle diary like a wittle girl", but I can't really expect them to understand. I'd be mortified if they actually found you. I'd never hear the end of it, and it's bad enough already. So, I had to go for a walk to "collect firewood" just to get a few moments of peace to myself, with you stuffed under my tunic. I feel like a rebellious teenage girl. Ugh.

We're still in the Earth Kingdom, a few days outside of Ba Sing Se. We're traveling by bison, but Appa never seems to be fast enough to find my mom. I have a feelings she's in the city, though. I can feel it. I don't know where else to look, honestly. She has to be alive.

I get a messenger hawk from Uncle nearly every day. Sometimes he asks how we're all doing (he's very fond of my companions), or tells me what's going on back at home, or lets me know any information he's dug up about my mother from this or that brown-nosing noble. He never writes much. Most of the time he just asks when I'm coming home. I know he misses me, but I'm not foolish enough to believe that's the only reason he wants to know. He really wants to get out of the Fire Nation. He would be happy serving tea in the Jasmine Dragon for the rest of his life, I think. I know it's unfair of me to ask him to stay at the palace and take all of my responsibilities, but I don't have any other options. My people need me, but they'll have to wait a little longer. I need my mother more.

In lighter terms, I feel like I'm part of the family here, for better or for worse. Aang, Suki, Sokka, and Katara-they all actually care for me. I care for them, too, of course. Even though Aang's the avatar, and Sokka's a year or two older than me, they're both immature. I feel like my duty is to be our group's protector. I'm pretty sure Katara feels the same way about herself-like she's their stand-in mother. She doesn't act like my mother, though.

Maybe that's part of the reason we don't get along. We're competing. We fight and bicker constantly, but I certainly don't hate her, and I don't think she truly hates me either. We practice bending together, but it always ends up in a heated battle. We're evenly matched, masters of water and fire colliding. Even if I _let_ her win, she always wears only her wrappings when she bends, so I always win at least one way.

I don't know how to feel about her. She acts like she can't stand the sight of me half the time, but there's something else there. I can feel it. Sometimes I catch her staring; sometimes she catches me staring. I just wish something would happen. Something good, something bad. Just _something_.

Explosive.

Sweet.

Zuko


End file.
